This is going to be really long, but I have to get this out, I feel like it’s eating me up inside. I’m so tired, I can’t do this anymore. I’m trying to make you happy, I’m trying to make things work, I try so hard to make this life better for you. But every little thing I do you have to find my little flaw. I need you to understand that nothing can be perfect, but obviously in your little world everything has to be perfect. You always assume that my attitude is influenced by the people I hang out with. But little do you realize that this attitude of mine developed off of what you do to me. You can’t expect me to sit here all the time while you yell at my face and rub in all of my screw ups. I can only take so much, that at some point I will break. I have to fight back so I can be strong, but everything seems to be useless. If I’m the reason of your stress, if I’m the reason why you don’t want to live like this, then do something about it. Do something about it now, because when I look at you I can see you can’t take anymore. And stop saying that you’re happy with me because I know you’re not. I’m the reason of your stress, so do something about it. If you don’t want me under your roof anymore, if you can’t deal with me anymore, if I’m the reason of you stress, do something about it. Because I can’t do anything, I’m only 17, I can’t just leave the house, I can’t just walk away. You’re the one with the power to do something, so do something. You always assume too much, that’s the reason why we can never get along. I know that Papa passing away affected us both, and I know that life will never be the same. But Papa was the one that stayed in the middle of us when we argued, he was there for both of us when we argued. He was the one who would break it apart, make everything better. And now that he’s not here, well who’s going to stop the arguing now? No one. Because it’s only you and me in this house, no one else. So yeah, it’s going to get bad. Inever knew it would get this bad though, but think about it. If papa was here, none of this would ever happen. Admit it, we never really got along, Papa and I got along because I live like him. You and Papa got along because well, you’re married. So yeah, I’m tired of you telling me that my attitude and personality is influenced by other people. You’re always right Ma, always. I’m never right, I never get anything right. Because my WHOLE life is based off other people’s attitudes, because I’m not my own person. Because I’m fake, I’m not a real person. You’re really pushing me to my edge, in fact I think I already fell over that edge because when you yell at me I feel nothing. I don’t anything at all anymore. I used to get depressed and sad when we argued because I hated hurting you. But now, I don’t really feel anything anymore. It’s gone, it’s all gone. I’m done, and I know you’re done too. So stop acting like everything is ok, because we both know it will never be the same again. It might get close, we might be ok for awhile, but we will always be at the brink point of breaking everything again. You never really listen to what I have to say, I mean yes, you do listen to me. But do you really know what I mean? Do you really know what I’m feeling? No, you will never know exactly what I am going through, unless you lived in my body for a day. I know you take my words into thought, but you never really do much about it. And that’s ok.. You always say you trust me, yet you question what I’m doing. So think about it, if you really trusted me, you wouldn’t question me at all. So no, you don’t trust me. You say you do, but deep down inside, admit it, you secretly have doubt in everything I do. So right now, I’m done. I’m done with anything you have to say. I’m done with anything you have to do. This has gone on for so long now, that my body and mind is completely numb. I literally have lost it. I just feel this numbness that never goes away when we argue. It’s like, nothing really breaks me anymore. I know you’re tired Ma, I know you are. I know you can’t take this anymore, so stop hiding it. Stop trying to forget about it and move on. Stop trying to hide the fact that you’re done. Do whatever you want to do Ma, because you’re always right. Right? You’re always right, since everything I say or do is always wrong, I just figured that you’re always going to be right. Right? So I’m done. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life anymore. I can feel you doubting my future, always questioning if we will be ok in the future. I feel it, I feel your doubt. So I’ve lost. You win. You always win, all the time, everytime. But just remember, if you ever decide to do something about this. If you ever decide that you don’t want me anymore, or you don’t want to live with me anymore. Remember, I love you. I don’t care what you say, even if you say, “If you love me, then why are we always arguing.” Well Ma, I love you. So don’t ever doubt it, no matter what you do to me, or what you say. I love you. It may seem like I hate you, that I can’t stand you, but really I can’t live without you. I love you. But again, if I’m the reason that your life is miserable right now, then it’s ok. Do something about, because as long you’re happy and living your life the way you want it. Then I’m happy. I’m not even kidding, I am happy when you are happy. You’re always right.